May 5, 2021–From Kay Street in the west (the “K” in COME BACK) to Eagle Street in the east (the “E” in ALL WELCOME) it seems every other Fredericksburg establishment has something to do with sipping, selling, tasting, or tippling wine. Wine is the new water. I have a feeling if Jesus returned to Fredericksburg in 2021, that miracle wouldn’t be as impressive.

Instead of grumbling about this trend in local retail, I wonder if it is time to just pull out the corks and go all-wine, all the time.

There are only about three places on Main Street left that are not in the wine industry, anyway. Let’s rename them:

The George Bush Gallery of Pacific Wine

Dooley’s Five & Wine

NAPA Auto Parts and Wine Tasting Room

That last one kind of works and takes a jab at another US wine destination.

No industry would be spared

Schaetter Funeral and Wine Parlor
What better way to boost attendance than sipping on a good merlot while they eulogized Great Aunt Margaret. That’s probably what she would be doing.

Chaser Bank
I’d open a new account for a free set of shot glasses.

Government offices and schools are not off limits for this rebranding.

The Hill Country University Center is already growing vines and offering Viticulture and Enology via Texas Tech. Let’s just rename it Hill Country Université Chateau so they could use labels mis en bouteille au château.

Gillespie Tax & Wine Appraisal Office
It sure would kill time while standing in line to pay your property taxes if everyone was offered a wine flight. You could turn in your tasting notes for a tax credit.

Pioneer Memorial Library & Wine Depository
There could be a secret door to the wine cellar behind the shelf at 641.22.

And churches! They are already well-positioned to pull in thirsty worshippers. I can see this added to the marquee under the Potluck Dinner announcement: Free wine tasting with every service!

And on the way out of town visitors could stop and pick up information at the Alon Al-Anon.

Having tweaked every respectable business and organization in town, I must add the caveat that I embrace the growth of the local wine industry. Any community would love to have the visitation and dollars it has brought, not to mention the variety of varietals available around every corner. It’s just overwhelming at times for those of us who remember buying auto parts and polyester pants on Main Street.

Now I need to head over to Lochte Feed & Vineyard Supplies to pick up a bottle of wine for my hens. They’re laying pickled eggs I plan to enter in the Gillespie County Fair & Wine Pairing Festival.

What goes with chicken, red or white?