April 15, 2020–If your life were a novel, would you bother to read it?

If there were only two chords, we’d still have polka.

Folks didn’t used to need a federal mandate not to get within 6 feet of me.

In Ernest Tubb’s song “Thanks A Lot,” he rhymes “a lot” with “a lot.”

How many other kids wanted to join the Swiss Army, just because of their knives?

I know spring is here because I spotted a concrete swan in my yard.

I’m going to start a rumor that grass burrs cure COVID-19. Then maybe people will come dig them out of my yard.

This situation holds less fear for those of us who have been poor. We know how to get by on beans, tap water, and cheap toilet paper.

Why do we quote Tibetan proverbs? Who wants to live in Tibet?

Calling me a liar is so less offensive when you do it “with all due respect.”

I don’t cook. I just make my food hot.

Whenever a child appears despondent or lethargic, 9 times out of 10 it’s constipation.

A great word that is impossible to spell: languorous. Or pronounce.

The true measure of political influence is the amount of unearned wealth left to your children. My poor kids.

Dogs seem to fare pretty well without eating salads.

I’m beginning to suspect this friend everyone keeps “asking for” doesn’t exist.

No, the full moon is never going to be bigger, or closer, or pinker, or blue, or look anything like those photoshopped images on here. You can go back to bed.

Did you know there are people in the world called Walloons?

“PIE” is 3.14 reversed.

March is the only month that is a verb.

When all this isolation ends, I’m going back to wearing a hat just so I can tip it rather than shake hands.

Why is there a white crayon?

How did bugs become the standard for cuteness

I avoid any event with “-athon” in its name.

One perk of living in this modern age is no longer having to lick envelopes or stamps.

I once idly wondered what would look happen if we abandoned all cosmetics–makeup, hair dye, contact lenses, shaving, etc. Now we’re seeing what humans are supposed to look like.

Our fascination with the young is not about beauty, energy, or any other outward sign. It’s that youth equals endless potential. They have yet to write their stories.

There is always something more interesting. Why not make it you?