Here’s a fun new trend you can worry about: Title Inflation.
It first took root in large organizations. There, it’s an accepted practice that instead of rewarding job performance with money–as in giving an employee a raise–businesses hand out lofty yet meaningless titles. That’s why every institution is crawling with “vice presidents.”
But now this “title creep” has infected innocuous parts of our lives. You only need to look at your friendly neighborhood talent pageant.
A justifiably proud parent was sharing that their child had done exceedingly well at some competition. The trophy they won–which I could not believe was not made up–was the Early Intermediate Mega Ultimate Grand Supreme Award. Not only is there a title carrying the hefty load of being called the Mega Ultimate Grand Supreme Award, it is bestowed by age category. So there had to have been three–or more–Mega Ultimate Grand Supreme Award winners.
Kinda makes you yearn for old-fashioned titles we earned at the county fair like “First Place,” doesn’t it? Except, First Place is no longer simply First Place. Some competitions now bestow a TOP First Place, an ELITE TOP First Place, and an Elite Ultimate Performance First Place. If you are so untalented you don’t make plain old First Place, you can still take home a trophy for HIGH SECOND Place. So even if you lose… you win.
Of course, no one goes home empty handed. Those entry fees deserve recognition no matter how tenuous. Hence, there hand out High Point awards, Judges Choice Awards, and Specialty Awards. Why do you think they came up with Miss Congeniality?
The names for these awards sometimes require a degree in chemistry. For some reason, we like to name awards for elements: Gold, Silver, Platinum. The Periodic Table offers 118 options, although that reduces to 80 if you don’t count the Noble Gases and Halogens.
“Ladies, Gentlemen, and Pronoun-Neutral, may I present the new Manganese-Level Award Winner, Miss Dysprosium!”
The result of all this award distension is that the perceived value of gold as a signifier of excellence has been eroded. We use to believe getting a Gold Record was peak performance for a recording artist. I always assumed a Gold Record came with sales of 1 million. But it turns out that Gold Records are awarded based on sales of only 500,000 units.
If you had 1 million units sold or shipped, that was not Gold, but Platinum. Climbing up the scale, selling 2 million units equaled multi-Platinum. For the record, the first Gold Record was Perry Como, for Catch a Falling Star. First Platinum was the Eagles’ Greatest Hits.
If you hit 10 million, that earned you a Diamond Record. Not even 200 songs in history have hit Diamond Record status.
The first? Candle in the Wind by Elton John. I’ll allow it.
The biggest? Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars. Followed closely by fan favorite Mariah Carey’s All I want for Christmas is You.
And that pretty much nails my thesis that the grandeur of the award does not necessarily match the quality of the performance.