July 19, 2023–
All words are made up.
The very purpose of golf is to get good enough to play less of it.
We need more respect for bullies. Without bullies, there would be no children’s stories, sit-com plots, or pulp westerns.
Why does every other post on a Breaking News page start with: “Not breaking news…”
Bad pickup line:
“You look like my second wife.”
“How many times have you been married?”
“Once.”
Better pickup line:
“Your face looks like it hasn’t been used.”
Best pickup line:
What do you say when you see a beautiful woman?
“Hello, honey. I’m home.”
Why do praise bands seem so solemn?
How did Hallmark convince all of humanity to pay them $5.95 for a piece of cardboard that expresses our “personal taste and caring?”
No doubt much of 1940s entertainment used stereotypes.
Every cop was Irish, every maid was black, every comedian was Jewish. Women were bad drivers, men were clueless oafs.
Today, roles have been “reimagined” to avoid stereotypes. Ariel is black, Moriarity is a woman, and Apu has left the Kwik-E-Mart.
Some are upset that cherished literary icons have been hijacked in order to adhere to current political mores. Here’s the simple solution that will satisfy all sides: WRITE NEW STORIES!
Every group outlives its usefulness. But the group doesn’t recognize when that happens.
Someone is advertising “grounding shoes”–a moccasin with a copper bead in the sole to connect the wearer to the ground.
Flim-flam? Who knows, but it’s only the latest in a long line of such offers.
In the 1950s they were selling Crazy Crystals at a dollar a pack, to “purge, cleanse, detox, and energize” when dissolved in water.
Created by an “evaporative process,” the crystals were precipitates of hard water. You literally just “added water” to make water. People bought 48 million packets of them.
I understand we cannot stop getting old. But why do we keep getting fat?
Anyone else notice that schools have changed “Donuts with Dads” and “Muffins with Moms” to “Donuts with Grownups?” Holidays are now Fall Break, Winter Break, Spring Break, and Summer Break. We are wringing all possible dissonance from our language.
Inarticulate people really really like to say “really.” And “nice.” And “good.” An actual beer review:
“It’s a nice Belgian-style wheat, really, really drinkable, enjoyable, with a nice, bright color to it. A nice beer for the summertime with a really good body and a really good finish on it.”
Marketing question: Why do businesses believe that hiding their business is good branding?
Hospitals avoid using the word “hospital.”
Funeral homes avoid the word “funeral.”
Wineries avoid the word “winery.”
Taking a selfie in front of a statue is not traveling.
Some “singer-songwriters” need to be relabeled “talker-singer-songwriters.”
To all you posting the temperatures: you realize we know it’s hot, right?
Zailey, Ulliam, Janc, Semaj, Binx, Nevaeh, Derfla, Abcde… are parents are just rolling Boggle cubes to come up with their kids’ names these days?
I don’t want to tell you how I am. And I really don’t want to know how you are.
I don’t judge whether you are extreme liberal or extreme conservative.
I do judge when you process every single info-bit through a political filter.
How to judge art: If you can rearrange it in any random order without noticing any discernible difference, it’s pointless. I’m talking to you, modern dance, bad poetry, and scat singing.
I first realized I was near-sighted in high school when I could not read distant signs. I didn’t mention it for a long time because there was no need to read signs that were distant.
We all believe we are brave, creative, observant, and free creatures. And yet:
We all shoot vertical video on our phones when every major modern media format is horizontal.
We sit in the same pew every week.
We all say “time flies” when we post old photos. And “you do you,” “you got this,” “said no one ever,” and “it is what it is.”
We ask the DJ “how are you” after hearing six other people ask the same thing.
We believe we are cool because we listen to the blues.
And we waste time writing pointless observations.