March 5, 2025–“We were never meant to hear everyone’s opinion on everything all the time.” Sean Ono Lennon
“It’s 17 degrees.”
Ten minutes later: “It’s 18 degrees.”
Fifteen minutes later: “It’s…”
“Stop saying the temperature!”
She was right. And I didn’t even realize I was doing it.
I’m annoyed I was doing it, because I am not a talker. I can go for hours, or even days, without speaking a word aloud. I don’t like listening to most people talk, either. When I was in a position to hire staff, I always eliminated any candidate who over-talked.
Most of us believe that brilliant conversationalists and serial talkers are great at communications. I figured out eventually that the opposite is true. People who continually talk are NOT communicating. By speaking, they prevent anyone from breaking in, asking them questions, or learning anything new about them.
I believe this is intentional. Ironically, extroverts do not wish to reveal their true feelings and thoughts, and instead camouflage their true selves behind an uninterruptible torrent of words.
Here’s a way to test if you are one of those people who talk too much. Next time you see a post on your favorite social media page, don’t comment. I know it’s hard. But do you really need to be one of the 18 people who type “This” in agreement, or worse, post an emoji of hands clapping or pink hearts. Maybe sometimes, it doesn’t matter if everyone doesn’t know what you think about the hamburgers at the new food trailer or how the city is handling leaf pickup. Even less, no one really cares what your opinion is on how the State Department is negotiating trade conflicts in sub-Saharan Africa.
And what is this need to insert ourselves into every news event, even if it is tragedy? When a celebrity dies, ask yourself if you really need to post how you saw them once in concert 20 years ago. Ask if anyone cares that you posed for a picture with a political candidate at a campaign rally in 1988.
My working theory is that social media is catnip for narcissists. I once posted this comment online (parenthetically not following my own advice that no one cares what I think), and the most interesting thing happened. The individuals who protested most vociferously, were the same ones that prompted me to make the original post. Nos habemus veritas.
The beautiful thing about not saying something is that every day provides you with ample opportunities to practice. School, office, church, social occasions, meals, meetings, and, interestingly, discussion groups. Discussion groups are named incorrectly. They should be called soliloquy platforms because one or two members usually dominate the discussion.
The most dangerous mine field where the act of not speaking can do the most as far as saving you trouble, anguish, and perhaps bodily injury, is the one each of us has the most experience with, yet never seems to get better at. That is the romantic relationship.
Let me count the ways where, during an animated discussion with my spousal unit, the discretion of silence would have trumped the valor of repartee. Why, at those most sensitive moments, is silence such an elusive mistress? I can visualize the imps and angels arguing on my shoulders: Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Oh, gee. You had to say it.
And that is the precise moment you will have ample opportunity to experience silence.
XXX
Phil Houseal silently writes at www.FullHousePR.com